The Thrill of Victory, and the Agony of Defeat

As I have mentioned before, Boo is a manager for his high school basketball team, and last night was the annual Basketball Banquet.  Since it is Boo's senior year, it was one of our last 'parent' events to attend.  As I was ironing his shirt, and he was pacing nervously, the phrase "the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat" popped into my head.  It occurred to my that it is a great way to describe special needs parenting.

For most parents, banquets and other events are a time to enjoy a meal that they didn't have to cook, an opportunity to socialize with other parents, and (of course) watch the kids get honors and awards bestowed upon them.

And then there is the experience of a Spectrum Parent.

When they are young, preparation for an event like that includes a Xanax for mom, struggling to get clothes on said kid that will probably initiate a sensory meltdown, social stories, implementation of a reward system, another Xanax for mom, selecting a seat by the door in case of emergency, prayers that all of the preparation will pay off, apologies to other parents when it does not pay off, tissues to dry your kid's eyes when you leave in tears, and a Xanax for mom.

As Boo has gotten older, the prep routine has changed.  Sort of.

We still argue about clothes some, but we have reached a decent compromise.  There is no need for social stories since he has figured it out now.  He is too old for a reward system, and I no longer give a damn what other parents think.  Xanax still makes a cameo appearance, though.

The pre-event anxiety remains, in large part because I want him to enjoy himself, but the threat of a meltdown still looms in the background.  He will occasionally lash out beforehand, either at the house or in the car, because he has so much nervous energy but can't always figure out how to get it out appropriately.

Yesterday was no exception.  He came home from school and mentioned something about speaking at the banquet.  I tried to ask a few questions to figure out what he was talking about, but he got agitated so I dropped it.  He asked if I would iron a shirt for him, and I was thrilled that I didn't have to explain to him why his Green Lantern t-shirt and camouflage cargo shorts would not be a good idea.

We dropped him off early so he could gradually 'ramp up' to the crowd rather than get bombarded by walking into a crowded room, and my hubby and I hid out for a while.

Unlike last year, he decided to sit with the team.  He laughed, he ate, he joked around.  At one point, Albert went up to the 'team table' to take a few pictures and Boo was pretty cool about it.  That sort of opened the flood gates and half a dozen moms converged on the group like the paparazzi at a Red Carpet event.

As the coaches began honoring the players, I sat back and just watched Boo.  As the 7th grade team, the 8th grade team, and the Freshmen team were all brought up, he cheered them on.  When they go to the JV team (who he works with a lot) he was high-fiving the players as they walked past him.  It was pretty awesome to see a kid who used to hate being touched acting this way.

On the Program, between the JV team and the Varsity team, it simply said "Senior Remarks".  I assumed that the seniors would each speak for a minute about their post-high school plans.  I was nervous for Boo, but figured he would simply decline if he got too nervous.

The Head Coach returned to the stage, and said that Boo had asked to speak for a minute about how much the team has meant to him.  I nearly died of shock as Boo came up with a big smile on his face and took the mike from Coach.  I wish I remembered specifics about what he said, but I don't.  He joked about the team and everyone laughed.  He told the team he was proud of them.  He thanked Coach for asking him to be a manager.  And, I smiled so big I thought my face would crack.

When it came time for the Coach to honor the Varsity team, he started with the managers.  He brought Boo back up to the stage and talked about how far he had come.  He told the story about the start of last season when Boo would be close to a meltdown after a hard loss or a rude crowd.  He talked about how hard Boo had been working out lately and how he had lost 50 pounds.  Coach told him that he was proud of him and Boo was grinning from ear to ear.

When it was over, parents and kids milled about...the boys giving each other 'man hugs', and parents taking lots of pictures.  Other parents took a bunch of pictures of their kids with Boo, and I realized that he had truly become a part of the team.  He was 'one of them', and we have been so blessed to have these coaches and these fine, young men as part of our lives the past few years.

The thrill of victory...

Boo takes the stage.