A Conversation With My Husband

Author's Note: My husband knows about this post, and is amazingly okay with it.  I am not sure what to think about that.

So, my husband and I were driving home from dinner tonight, and he mentioned that as long as Boo was at a basketball game tonight, and we had the house to ourselves, we should
(in his words) 'hit it'.

(Stand back, ladies.  He is all mine.)

 I kind of paused and said, "Well, when I was driving home from dropping Boo off, I had thought I might strip down naked and try to seduce you."

"REALLY?  Why didn't you?" he asked with that look of glee that boys of all ages get.

"Well...when I got home, I had to pee."

"So?"

"Well...apparently you had taken a huge dump while I was gone," I say, hoping I haven't crossed the line.

"Oh.  Were there skid marks in the toilet?"

"Sweetie, the term 'skid marks' would imply that it was a small problem.  You did much worse than that."

"Oh.  Kind of ruined it for you?"

"Well...I had thought I could get over it, and regain 'the mood', but then I could hear you hacking and coughing like an 80-year-old emphysema patient.  Once you got that fur ball up, I was pretty grossed out."

"So, that was what did it?"

"Well...I had considered taking a deep breath and just 'taking one for the team', but when I started to come out of the bedroom, I heard a burp that rattled the floorboards, and then I heard you kind of make that 'Mmmm' sound that guys do after a particularly lovely belch."

"So, the burp was what killed it for you?"

"Honey, I could have probably lived with any two of the three, but the 'hat trick' was more than I could handle."